We are Family

Dear Glob,

I have a big Family. Listed in age order, there’s:
Father
Mother
Big Sister 1, P.
Big Sister 2, Mojo
Me (Chewie)
Little Brother

I’ve always felt that my Family would be excellent contestants on Family Feud. After the fact that we would have to duke it out on which 5 would represent Team Trout, we would be unstoppable! Our blazing competitive streak would always ensure us victory… that and our nasty trash talking and do whatever it takes to WIN attitudes.

To be honest, it’s not really fair to assign these attributes to everyone in my Family, when it’s usually only P. and I arguing about the Uno house rules while Mojo and Little Brother just want to get on with the game. I guess Mother Nature made sure to equally distribute certain personality traits to keep the Family from killing each other over a game of Monopoly. Delving deeper into the issue, there are more strange alternating characteristics weaved into my family’s genetics:

Father is right handed.
Mother is left handed.
P. writes with the right hand.
Mojo writes with the left.
Chewie is always right!
Little Brother’s always left.

Spooky, huh? But the symmetry doesn’t end there:

Father’s blood type is O+.
Mother’s is A+.
P. can only receive blood from a group O individual.
Mojo can receive blood from individuals of groups of A and O.
Chewie’s blood serum contains IgM antibodies against A and B antigens.
Little Brother has the A antigen on the surface of his Red Blood Cells.

And it gets way better. When it comes to boozing:

Father is a champ.
Mother is a cheap date.
P. was won over by the Whale when he sent her a case of Guinness via the US Postal service.
Mojo gets krunky after a glass of Sauvignon Blanc – Woohooo!
Hello, my name is Chewie [“Hi Chewie!”] and I’m an alcoholic.
Little Brother takes Pepcid AC to avoid the Asian Blush. <--- CLICK HERE!

I know I usually never encourage reader to press on links, but, trust me, this one is worth it. Alcohol flush reaction... What kind of a DNA mutation is that? If evolution had any sense of humor, it would have given Asians a cool super power, like bending time and space, instead of stupid red faces.